Indie Blog Laments as Maryland Deathfest is Mainstreamed

by Brock Dorsey on May 25, 2017

The hilarious leftist parody of metal will be celebrated in force this weekend as Maryland Deathfest completes its transformation into Coachilla-lite. While it’s been painfully obvious that all festival culture has gone fully mainstream as futureless millennials continue to spend money they don’t have on things they don’t need there are still many in the hipster sphere that can’t grasp the loss of counter culture to the mainstream. Maryland Deathfest continues this trend with praise from mainstream propaganda editorial Newsweek and lamentations from liberal snowflake blog Invisible Oranges occurring in the same week.

(more…)

8 Comments

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Metalucifer Release “We Are Still Metal Kids” Video

by Daniel Maarat on May 23, 2017

Metalucifer, the heavy metal loving parody side project of Gezol from Sabbat (Japan), released a new video to Youtube from their upcoming split 7″ with Sabbat. “We Are Still Metal Kids” is a  disposable, haphazard parody of NWOBHM bands such as Iron Maiden and Judas Priest just like all other Metalucifer songs . It will also eventually appear on an upcoming album to be released on Iron Pegasus / R.I.P Records. Metalucifer’s previous albums (Heavy Metal Drill, Heavy Metal Chainsaw, and Heavy Metal Bulldozer) and all of their other cash grab releases are all pretty much disposable kitsch but still better than most of the war metal, metalcore, and crypto-indie rock the Funderground attempts to force down our throats.

(more…)

16 Comments

Tags: , , , , , , ,

More Free Press for Shining

by Staff on May 18, 2017

Swedish emo black ‘n’ roll pop punk band Shining has been kicked off a show in the fat hipster junkie haven of Portland, leaving the funderground’s communist media pussies and useless indie rock blogs abuzz about “alleged” acts of shock rock front man Kvarforth. Though not charged with a crime at this time, the self mutilating schizophrenic man kisser has been accused of “violent, racist, sexist, nazi behavior,” completing the full checklist of character assassinations attempted by the left on a daily basis. But apparently unbeknownst to all of these out of touch basement-dwelling butt rock journalists this is the exact GG-Allin LARPing Kvarforth has been doing at every single show and in every single interview for over two decades. Therefore, this mass collusion has accomplished nothing outside of promoting Shining and their upcoming tour dates.

(more…)

9 Comments

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Relapse Announce Probably Excremental New Supergroup Expulsion

by Daniel Maarat on May 17, 2017

Sell-out sludge label Relapse Records announced that they have signed a new “supergroup” named Expulsion, who of course have a new record, Nightmare Future, coming out on July 14th. Expulsion features members of grind originators Repulsion, Phobia, party metallers Exhumed, , and the excrement pushers known as Gruesome. Hopefully Repulsion guitarist Matt Olivo brings some actual riffs to Nightmare Future and doesn’t just ape his past success to play double the festivals with double the beer, double the moshes, double the core, double the trends, and double the fun.

(more…)

3 Comments

Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

Bangladesh Deporting Krisiun

by Daniel Maarat on May 9, 2017

Bangadesh continued the worldwide governmental war on mediocre speed metal by arranging to deport mediocre Brazilian speed metal band Krisiun for supposedly blaspheming against monotheism and Islam in the lyrics to their music. Krisiun were in the overwhelmingly Muslim third world country to play a sold-out festival. Bangladeshi metal fans should man up and listen to better metal bands now. Krisiun then confirmed that they were special snowflakes who believe in equality for all people, creeds, things, places, trees, and toilet paper brands regardless of their quality, proficiency, or absorbency:

(more…)

19 Comments

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,

USA Deports Evil Invaders

by Daniel Maarat on May 9, 2017

Funderground Belgian speed metal band Evil Invaders were deported from the United States according to their Funbook page for not having the appropriate work visas to play a metal festival in Milwaukee. Evil Invaders were not being paid to play the festival. The festival organizers were only covering Evil Invaders plane tickets and transportation cost for the band and their equipment. Since the festival organizers were still charging for tickets and making money, Evil Invaders needed an appropriate work visa, which they did not have, thus they were deported.

(more…)

5 Comments

Tags: , , , , , , , ,

Havukruunu – Kelle Surut Soi (2017)

by Daniel Maarat on May 7, 2017

Havukruunu, despite their Burzum like cover, worship Bathory‘s Blood Fire Death and 1980s synth pop on Kelle Surut Soi. Havukruunu attempt the folk choruses, epic atmosphere, and melodic solos as Quorthon did in his successful attempt at mixing black and speed metal. Unfortunately for my ears, Havukruunu are not so successful on Kelle Surut Soi.

(more…)

6 Comments

Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

Lantern – II: Morphosis (2017)

by Daniel Maarat on April 30, 2017

Lantern take the Finnish black and death metal and move it back in time towards eighties speed metal to better appeal to a funderground hipster audience who never bothered to listen to Beherit or Demigod. The production of II: Morphosis is clean but slightly cavernous and vocals that sound like Per Boder of God Macabre help deceive inattentive millennials that Lantern are quality death metal and not Finnish Pantera.
(more…)

7 Comments

Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

ZOM – Flesh Assimilation (2014)

by Staff on March 25, 2017


Article by Lance Viggiano.

ZOM is essentially a crust band who starched by a discordant boondock black metal sensibility resulting in parlor tunes to cap off a hard day picking potatoes. Neither being soaked in rye nor smoked out on Dublin can make this release stand out in the fields of barley. The riffs aren’t worth paying attention to and as background music it is simply too assertive so it tends to pinch you if your mood isn’t wearing the right color.

(more…)

3 Comments

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Metal Festers Eternal

by Daniel Maarat on February 24, 2017

Right now, above the metal underground there is what was coined, I believe originally by Pogrom from Arghoslent, the “Funderground”. The funderground consists of independent labels, sometimes mainstream distributed, releasing thousands of albums each year full of rehashed material or rebranded three-chord hardcore with different superficial aesthetics to fuel a bar show audience’s drunken moshing or make hipsters feel smart for liking an indie rock release with a dirty production. One can see this divide in most of the popular “underground” web forums such as those of Nuclear War Now! and Full Moon Productions. The most popular “underground” “metal” releases of each year are all older metal rehashed into pop-rock structures or rebranded hardcore. This divide is similar to what is felt in mainstream Western culture with the leftist “elites”‘ constant Marxist virtue signaling and branding freethinkers with various epithets for refusing to chant the praises of socialism mandated by the vanguard party.

(more…)

32 Comments

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Classic reviews:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z