Lucky Charms Metal

Death Metal Underground has received criticism for our review of limp-wristed, warmed-over Swedish heavy metal act In Flames. Our staff called them the Swedish version of Christian glam rock band Stryper. However despite being hard rock, Stryper were actually heavier, more sincere in purpose, and more aggressive than the Comic Sans In Flames. Stryper and the speed metal influenced glam rock of Skid Row were at least far more musical than Fredrik Nordstrom produced melodeaf such as post-Alf Svensson At the Gates, Arch Enemy, Dark Tranquility, In Flames, and Soilwork. Stryper and Skid Row were at least well-versed in 60s and 70s riff rock while directly influenced by Metallica and Slayer:

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Hail of Bullets Breaks Up

Funderground party death ‘n’ roll and deathcore band Hail of Bullets has broken up according to a post on their Funbook page. Hail of Bullets’ illness was no reason to exist as a musical entity beyond lining the pockets and fattening the livers of Dutch death metal scene veterans through CD releases and festival gigs. Martin van Drunen quit the train wreck a while ago probably as death metal fans grew sick of the band’s constant stream of lame releases. The war is over Hail of Bullets. You lost and were executed for your crimes against metal music such as III: The Rommel Chronicles.

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Sadistic Metal Reviews: Mellow Destruction of Inferior Semi-Technical Trivialities

These random, gimped releases are held in high regard by high-pitched “metal” critics and core pogo stickers. The Death Metal Underground staff takes it upon themselves to scorn and defile them in the name of all that is good in the metal genre.

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Sadistic Metal Reviews: 3-9-2017

The Death Metal Underground staff subjects themselves to countless nights of toilet diving in order to bring you gems crapped out by the dessicated undead corpse of the music industry. These are what we left in the latrine.

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A Response to Satanic™ Complaints

Article by David Rosales.

Recent publications on Death Metal Underground have triggered yet another group of self-entitled Dark Gurus and Awoken Entities of the Left Hand Path™, when the unholy names of some of the popular idols of the Satanic™ niche market group were apparently besmirched by people who simply do not think that the music in question is very good.

The grounds for this opinion rested on the simple perception of music as a form of communication and the knowledge and experience of the way black metal (and underground metal in general) aesthetics work; these are open to any with a sense of logic and understanding and in no moment alludes to ad hominem authority per se, but rather the sense of balanced, sensible consideration of the material at hand, which is always debatable.

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A.V. Club Editor David Anthony Posts Metal Hit List

Social justice warrior hipster scumbag David Anthony of communist multimedia shill website The A.V. Club (owned by The Onion) thinks that heavy metal has a Nazi problem. David Anthony is a bitchy, neurotic pinko throwing a fit that certain musicians who want to kill everyone as all humans are damn, dirty apes are not particularly fond of the concept of arbitrarily protected classes of people. The AV Club think that mildly successful and average death metal band Disma should be publicly hanged, drawn, and quartered in front of all of the proletariat as former Incantation frontman Craig Pillard released a National Socialist themed techno album over a decade ago. Nobody is spared from David Anthony’s hit list. Joining Pillard in the AV Club’s metal pogrom are Inquisition, AbsurdLemmy from Motorhead, Slayer (especially Tom Araya), Varg Vikernes, Deafheaven, Antichrist Kramer, Lord Mantis, and No Colours Records. Anthony also cited two quotes from Mayhem drummer Hellhammer‘s interview in Until the Light Takes Us as of course closet case David Anthony does not listen to black metal and only watched the movie. The only relatively unknown dirt he dug up was Lord Mantis fucking a transvestite but that was from a Vice interview he probably bookmarked due to the graphic description of a casual homosexual encounter.

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Hare Sathanas

Article by David Rosales.

The dilapidated edifice of modern human spirituality renders standard methods to access the secrets and mysteries so ineffectual that the average man today sees in these terms only quaint poetry or simply nonsense. A dark age of ignorance and inverted values requires an inverted path — one in which we enter a veritable Dark Night of the Soul, one in which a Nietzschean Going Under leads us to transformation and realization through acts of courage and commitment — is perhaps the most appropriate.

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Sodomize The Weak


Since “sodomize the weak” has become the unofficial motto of this site, and we rarely make such things official because formalization leads to accelerated decrepitude, it makes sense to explain why these three words encompass the single bit of philosophy that every sane person needs.

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