Sadistic Metal Reviews: 3-9-2017

The Death Metal Underground staff subjects themselves to countless nights of toilet diving in order to bring you gems crapped out by the dessicated undead corpse of the music industry. These are what we left in the latrine.

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Sodomize The Weak


Since “sodomize the weak” has become the unofficial motto of this site, and we rarely make such things official because formalization leads to accelerated decrepitude, it makes sense to explain why these three words encompass the single bit of philosophy that every sane person needs.

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Metal Festers Eternal

Right now, above the metal underground there is what was coined, I believe originally by Pogrom from Arghoslent, the “Funderground”. The funderground consists of independent labels, sometimes mainstream distributed, releasing thousands of albums each year full of rehashed material or rebranded three-chord hardcore with different superficial aesthetics to fuel a bar show audience’s drunken moshing or make hipsters feel smart for liking an indie rock release with a dirty production. One can see this divide in most of the popular “underground” web forums such as those of Nuclear War Now! and Full Moon Productions. The most popular “underground” “metal” releases of each year are all older metal rehashed into pop-rock structures or rebranded hardcore. This divide is similar to what is felt in mainstream Western culture with the leftist “elites”‘ constant Marxist virtue signaling and branding freethinkers with various epithets for refusing to chant the praises of socialism mandated by the vanguard party.

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Crimson Massacre – The Luster of Pandemonium (2005)

Death metal folk wisdom tells that the epithet “technical” generally connotes music that is bad for a unique reason: it tends to get trapped in technique, including cute tricks from music theory, for its own sake, which in turn deprecates the art of composing memorable and relevant songs.

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Emperor: Metal for Mordor

The music of Emperor is commonly misconceived by the mainstream metal media and certain YouTube clowns to be merely an atmospheric wall of sound or symphonic black metal orchestration engineered for superficial, surface level aesthetic appeal to an audience atypical for black metal. This is in fact not the case. In the Nightside Eclipse is just as perplexing to typical headbangers on first encounter as it was upon release in 1994. Mainstream audiences are even more flabbergasted and regard the record as a mere curiosity produced by those murderous church burners, preferring Emperor’s more rock-structured later work such as Anthems to the Welkin at Dusk, which abandoned the band’s signature riffing style and method in exchange for ones influenced by more stereotypical Norwegian B-listers such as Enslaved and Kvist. Emperor did eventually sell out, becoming technical guitar wank, rock-structured heavy metal after their rhythm guitarist Samoth and drummer Faust were imprisoned in 1994 and their songwriting influence subsequently waned. Yet In the Nightside Eclipse‘s hymns to Satan and Sauron remain as natural mutations of their metallic predecessors’ attempts to imitate horror scores and classical music’s overwhelming power of sublimity.

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First Bands Announced for Fall of Summer 2017

The first batch of bands for the Fall of Summer 2017 festival in France were announced in an overenthusiastic press release for a decent but not great lineup. Blasphemy, Demolition Hammer, and Bulldozer are playing along with a bunch of dumb hipster bullshitters and stoner doom idiots. Check it out if you’re nearby and want to deal with a bunch of drunken beer metallers.

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Molested – Blod-draum Reissue Pre-orders Up

Dark Symphonies announced that they are reissuing Norwegian death metal band Molested‘s only full studio album Blod-draum later this month from the original tapes. Along with the new master from the original analog tapes (not the original CD just compressed for losers with Iphones), a new remix from the multitrack studio tapes will be included on the disc. The CD is available for preordering from Dark Symphonies right now.

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Marijuana

Some time ago, metalheads at a concert lit up a dingy joint, covered with pocket lint and packed full of brick weed, the uncured Cannabis Sativa grown wild in large Mexican fields and then compressed in trash compactors, crushing the seeds and stems and infusing the psychoactive flowers with oils and plant sugars.

There is only one way to smoke weed:

  1. Get a good night’s sleep.
  2. Wake up and down 15 ounces of water.
  3. Make strong coffee and have two cups.
  4. Take a shotglass of strong alcohol or have a glass of wine or large beer.
  5. Carefully extract and shred a fine Cannabis Indica or Sativa hybrid (60-40 or more).
  6. Mix in 15% of a strong but non smoke cured tobacco.
  7. Place in a bong that has large capacity but allows a fast shotgun.
  8. Take three of these rips within ten minutes.

At this point, the psychedelic potential of the weed becomes most powerful. Synergistic effects with Nicotine, Caffeine and alcohol aid this process.

Repeat as necessary at two-hour intervals.

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