Defining Metal

Slayer hell awaits

Article by Lance Viggiano inspired by International Day of Slayer.

A candidate for the best work within a genre of music should capture every manifestation as best as it can and be able to answer the question: what is X? One might make the argument that the best album must capture the genre at its summit; still, that is a far more difficult essence to capture as in the case of metal, both black and death metal scaled adjacent but different peaks and therefore offer their own unique views of the same musical landscape.

(more…)

13 Comments

Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

Sadistic Metal Review: Chalice – Chalice (2014)

chalice ep

Article by Corey M.

Chalice is a real shit show. From a purely musical perspective, the self-titled EP Chalice is transparent hard rock with some metal-ish riffing that never gets quite as aggressive as Deep Purple. Now indeed, aggression is not the only or even most crucial element that goes into making good rock or metal, but Chalice fall fa(aaaaaaaa)r short in every other facet of songwriting and performance.

(more…)

6 Comments

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , ,

The Misnomer of “Melodic” Metal

carcass friends

“Melodic death metal” is meaningless. What is popularly called “melodic” death or black metal can be roughly divided into the three different types of music sketched out by Ludvig Boysen in his “The Three Types of Melodic Death Metal” article for Death Metal Underground. While Ludvig’s three categories are essentially correct, refining and broadening them allows formal classification of all “melodic” death and black metal. Note that Death Metal Underground’s extensive Heavy Metal FAQ covers the topic of genre in great depth but a brief rundown for the ignorant and lazy is in order.

(more…)

42 Comments

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

#Metalgate: Nu-Death SJW Shawn Wright Has Meltdown Over Ignored Album

shawn_wright_tantrum_troll

Shawn Wright of Bestial Evil USA, who has in the past acknowledged his SJW status before embarking on a campaign to remove my Facebook account by complaining to Facebook’s SJW admins, has experienced yet another humiliating internet meltdown.

After the release of the most recent Bestial Evil USA album, Infectious Cross, which achieved zero acclaim for its generic Discharge-meets-Immolation style of metalcore, Wright was seen on Facebook berating at length those who were less than impressed by the album. This made it all too easy for one internet troll, who got under Wright’s skin and relentlessly led him on, provoking the apparently credulous Wright into a tantrum.

“I’ll bring some presents with me,” Wright said, in response to a transparent taunt. He promised to come to Texas and “smack the bitch out of you,” apparently forgetting that he was in the past accused of sexual assault and misogyny. Undeterred, Wright raved on: “We will play with War Master one day and I’ll be right there to hand you back your teeth one by one.”

Apparently not realizing that he was being provoked into a foaming rage, Wright continued with a barrage of insults and memes before the troll lost interest and stopped responding. At that point, realizing that he was talking to himself, Wright posted a final salvo and departed into the empty night.

#MetalGate exploded when metalheads began standing up to bullies who, hiding behind political correctness, were forcing their mediocre work on the metal community through the type of guilt that would make a priest grin. After they were called on this, their audience evaporated outside of the SJW circle, which continues to dwindle as people realize that passive-aggressive bullying is no way to go through life.

18 Comments

Tags: , , , ,

The Origins of Satanic Realization through Heavy Metal

varathron genesis of unaltered evil no logo

Sludgecore band Agoraphobic Nosebleed threw a fit for publicity over a recent batch of Death Metal Underground’s Sadistic Metal Reviews. Frontwoman Katherine Katz called us Fox News for our criticism of Agoraphobic Nosebleed’s shrieking short woman over a drum machine shtick and our psychological speculation as to why Agoraphobic Nosebleed would even bother releasing such failure other than for commercial exploitation of a musically-ignorant hipster fan base craving reaffirmation of their modern liberalism. Katz even claimed that artists should be responsible for the extreme actions of others in response to satire and that some topics should be completely off lyrics. For her, everyone who listens to “Embryonic Necropsy and Devourment” will potentially commit feticide. This is incredibly hypocritical for a band who shared a member with Anal Cunt and wrote Frozen Corpse Stuffed with Dope.

(more…)

26 Comments

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Sadistic #Metalgate Review: Bestial Evil – Infectious Cross (2016)

bestial evil infectious cross

This promotional contribution from the Social Justice Warrior-ridden Baltimore metal scene is terrible; it sounds like Pig Destroyer meets Christian metalcore. The anonymous local supplier bravely contributed a shocking report of a recent Bestial Evil show in Baltimore.

(more…)

42 Comments

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Classic reviews:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z