Sadistic Metal Review: Sovereign – Nailing Shut the Sacrosanct Orifice (2014)

sovereign nailing shut the sacrosanct orifice

Article by David Rosales.

More Ghost Scooby-Doo music mixed with random Deathspell Omega retardation than cohesive and nuanced terror, Sovereign Nailing Shut the Sacrosanct Orifice presents yet another example of the many failures of modern black metal: pretentious in lyrical orientation, vacuous in concrete musical content, mediocre in the putting together of structures that form an intelligible narrative. The lyrics themselves, in any case, will appear cursorily written, superficial, and sensationalist for anyone that has delved semi-seriously into the subjects.

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Sadistic Metal Reviews: Pushing It All Out

unicorn poop

The Sadistic Metal Reviews are were we squeeze all the empty calories out of our guts into easily digestible packages for readers’ amusement. The leftovers are distributed to starving third world children to hasten their Malthusian death through infection with the type of drug-resistant bacteria that can only thrive in a Honey Bun.

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#Metalgate: Shawn Wright Threatens to Extort Death Metal Underground to Fund Bestial Evil National Tour

Shawn Wright extortion threat

Baltimore social justice warrior Shawn Wright threatened to extort Death Metal Underground through a defamation lawsuit to fund his crappy crustcore band Bestial Evil USA‘s national tour in the comments section of our recent news article covering his latest whining.

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#Metalgate: Vice Backed Indie Bands Drop Out of Pentagram Tour as Publicity Stunt

bobby liebling

Two indie female-fronted bands (Wax Idols and King Woman) have dropped off pseudo-metal, psychedelic rock band Pentagram’s ongoing tour, breaking their separate agreements with promoters. The women in both bands were surprised when ex-junkie Pentagram frontman Bobby Liebling hit on them. The news of this passive-aggressive move being broken by Vice, both indie bands being backed by Vice, and subsequently embarking on a Vice-funded tour reeks of self-aggrandizing unprofessionalism.

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Defining Metal

Slayer hell awaits

Article by Lance Viggiano inspired by International Day of Slayer.

A candidate for the best work within a genre of music should capture every manifestation as best as it can and be able to answer the question: what is X? One might make the argument that the best album must capture the genre at its summit; still, that is a far more difficult essence to capture as in the case of metal, both black and death metal scaled adjacent but different peaks and therefore offer their own unique views of the same musical landscape.

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Sadistic Metal Review: Chalice – Chalice (2014)

chalice ep

Article by Corey M.

Chalice is a real shit show. From a purely musical perspective, the self-titled EP Chalice is transparent hard rock with some metal-ish riffing that never gets quite as aggressive as Deep Purple. Now indeed, aggression is not the only or even most crucial element that goes into making good rock or metal, but Chalice fall fa(aaaaaaaa)r short in every other facet of songwriting and performance.

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The Misnomer of “Melodic” Metal

carcass friends

“Melodic death metal” is meaningless. What is popularly called “melodic” death or black metal can be roughly divided into the three different types of music sketched out by Ludvig Boysen in his “The Three Types of Melodic Death Metal” article for Death Metal Underground. While Ludvig’s three categories are essentially correct, refining and broadening them allows formal classification of all “melodic” death and black metal. Note that Death Metal Underground’s extensive Heavy Metal FAQ covers the topic of genre in great depth but a brief rundown for the ignorant and lazy is in order.

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#Metalgate: Nu-Death SJW Shawn Wright Has Meltdown Over Ignored Album

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Shawn Wright of Bestial Evil USA, who has in the past acknowledged his SJW status before embarking on a campaign to remove my Facebook account by complaining to Facebook’s SJW admins, has experienced yet another humiliating internet meltdown.

After the release of the most recent Bestial Evil USA album, Infectious Cross, which achieved zero acclaim for its generic Discharge-meets-Immolation style of metalcore, Wright was seen on Facebook berating at length those who were less than impressed by the album. This made it all too easy for one internet troll, who got under Wright’s skin and relentlessly led him on, provoking the apparently credulous Wright into a tantrum.

“I’ll bring some presents with me,” Wright said, in response to a transparent taunt. He promised to come to Texas and “smack the bitch out of you,” apparently forgetting that he was in the past accused of sexual assault and misogyny. Undeterred, Wright raved on: “We will play with War Master one day and I’ll be right there to hand you back your teeth one by one.”

Apparently not realizing that he was being provoked into a foaming rage, Wright continued with a barrage of insults and memes before the troll lost interest and stopped responding. At that point, realizing that he was talking to himself, Wright posted a final salvo and departed into the empty night.

#MetalGate exploded when metalheads began standing up to bullies who, hiding behind political correctness, were forcing their mediocre work on the metal community through the type of guilt that would make a priest grin. After they were called on this, their audience evaporated outside of the SJW circle, which continues to dwindle as people realize that passive-aggressive bullying is no way to go through life.

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