He tightened a napkin roll.
20 CommentsTags: bodily dismemberment, collapse, deathfeast
Molson Coors Brewing Company – Miller Lite
I went on a hike this week with a few of my colleagues to appreciate the forested beauty of the natural world. We eventually lit a fire and toasted some marshmallows and frankfurters. One of my fellow heshers was German and carried around a package of expired hot dogs during his hike that he intended to eat at room temperature. I convinced him to put aside his barbaric hunger and save the sausages for the evening cookout.
13 CommentsTags: beer, lager, miller, miller lite, molsoncoors, pee, pilsner, piss, seltzer, soft drink
Deeds of Flesh Posts “Studio” Video
Deeds of Flesh posted a new video log to Youtube documenting how they are recording the guitars for their upcoming album. If you suspected that techno metal was recording in the bedrooms of pudgy action figure collectors with guitars directly digitally reamped into Cubase and Protools, you were right! Deeds of Flesh of course don’t pay for a real studio! This shit’s digital! The same chair and computer used for jerking it to BangBros is used for recording brutal tekdeathgrind! Guitar wank and actual wank in the same place! Hopefully Deeds of Flesh sidelines their recent ‘core tendencies to improve on the promising Portals to Canaan.
4 CommentsTags: Brutal Death Metal, death metal, deathgrind, deeds of flesh, techdeaf, techno, tek-deth, upcoming release, wanking, youtube
Metal Will Never Die
Online music magazine Perfect Sound Forever (nice job stealing the 1980s advertising slogan for the then new CD format) recently posted a piece entitled “Metal For the New Millennium” by an idiotic hipster named Cam Netland who said that metal was a limited music genre as result of being a “as an offset of rock music”. Netland claims that metal became “more hardcore” as a result of the “radicalization” of other genres in this period citing staid examples such as Bad Brains (softened hardcore punk for idiotic affirmative action multi-culturalists) and Public Enemy (rap made into pop music with tough street gang lyrics to make suburban white jocks feel good about their short penises). He goes onto claim that metal is divided into many “micro-genres” and that the new millennium has seen the rise of many new ones such as what Neton terms Babymetal‘s grass-eater Japanese pop music, djent (random post-hardcore jazz fusion) Deafheaven‘s “blackgaze” (screamo pretending to be tough that is neither black metal nor shoegaze), and Vektor‘s random techno speed metal idiocy. Netland cites such turd non-metal albums as Mastodon – Leviathan (alternative rock), Converge – Jane Doe (post-hardcore math rock), and System of a Down – Toxicity (nu-“metal” which is in actuality of course rap rock).
39 CommentsTags: Ancient, Black Metal, black sabbath, burzum, cam netland, Euronymous, hipsters, mayhem, metal history, metallica, music theory, perfect sound forever, sammath, sodom
Infester – To The Depths, In Degradation Reissue Out Now
Infester‘s To The Depths, In Degradation has been finally been reissued by Martyrdoom Productions on CD and LP. Do not pay scalpers, profiteers, and fetishists hundreds of dollars for the original CD that cost ten buck a decade ago on Discogs or Ebay. Buy the reissue and case of beer and spin it until you understand it. Progress beyond a three-chord speed metal hooligan who went from playing Street Fighter and NBA Jam in pizza parlor arcades to rehash metal shows at bar grills. Wait, half the people buying this reissue from A.V. 666 are too young to remember Mortal Kombat II in the arcade and Super Nintendo. Just buy To The Depths, In Degradation, stop whining that you can’t jump up and down to Infester like a seven year old snorting pixie sticks, and listen to the record until you reach the depths of hell from a hole in the ground.
7 CommentsTags: Black Metal, compact disc, dan lowndes, death metal, Infester, Martyrdoom Productions, reissue, remaster, to the depths in degradation, vinyl
Forteresse Announce Récits Patriotiques
French Canadian Gothenburg style metal band Forteresse announced a rehearsal album, Récits Patriotiques, today for all those who care about their boring Gothenburg material that sounds like early Amon Amarth with no tempo changes or variations for beer metallers who do not critically listen to music and prefer to just leave metal on in the background like a heavier version of smooth jazz they can ignore and check in on once every two minutes to see if the band did anything new or are back to scratching their asses. Récits Patriotiques will be released on March 18th, 2017 by Sepulchral Productions on 750 CDs for 750 fundergrounders or hipsters who want to crank frogified Davy Crockett metal to feel special about themselves like kale-flavored ice cream sandwiches. Preorder Récits Patriotiques here if you hate money and wear coonskin caps during sex.
5 CommentsTags: beer metal, Black Metal, canada, cash grab, elevator music, Forteresse, funderground, gothenburg metal, Heavy Metal, nationalism, quebec, Québécois, rehearsal, sepulchral productions, upcoming release
N.W.O.B.H.M. Survivors
The New Wave of British Heavy Metal was the simultaneous, sudden emergence of hundreds of heavy metal bands in the United Kingdom in the late 1970s and early eighties. The NWOBHM was prompted by the collapse en masse of earlier hard rock bands and heavy metal originators. Led Zeppelin and other blues-based riff rock bands had collapsed into meandering stadium rock with only a couple listenable songs per record at best (“Achilles Last Stand” on Presence). Black Sabbath fell flat on their faces after Sabotage, making the meandering duo of Technical Ecstasy and Never Say Die. Punk declined from almost-progressive works as the The Stooges’ Fun House to boy bands such as the Sex Pistols playing radio pop. Deep Purple regressed to playing what their former guitarist Ritchie Blackmore termed “Shoeshine music.”
21 CommentsTags: Angel Witch, black sabbath, Heavy Metal, iron maiden, judas priest, metal history, motorhead, NWOBHM, Satan
Molested – Blod-draum Remix Released
Dark Symphonies has finally reissued Molested‘s debut album, Blod-draum on CD. A remixed version from the original multi-tracked studio analog tapes is included with the original master from the Digital Audio Tape on one CD. Jump on it.
No CommentsTags: Black Metal, compact disc, Dark Symphonies, death metal, molested, norway, Norwegian Death Metal, reissue, remaster, remix
Black Metal, Nihilism, and Heresy
I. Degrees of an Allegory in Black Metal
Black metal, as any art, spans not only the musical, but the ideological as well as some kind of social component. Those who claim its flag range from popular musicians dressing up, to occult panderers playing at magickians, to extremists, to individuals that society would consider degenerates. There are more groups that could be mentioned but that we do not need to mention explicitly. Needless to say, all of these groups have a very different understanding of what black metal is, and what their seminal exponents such as Quorthon intended or what his work represents, or should represent, once it was out of his hands.
75 CommentsTags: Black Metal, islam, mastema, national socialism, Nazism, Nihilism, Philosophy, Religion
Sadistic Metal Reviews 1-22-2017
Everything you love is eventually butchered, emulsified, digested, and squeezed out by lesser life forms ranging from head hunters to bacterium to mediocre metal bands. Here are some Sadistic Metal Reviews for our readers’ pleasure:
54 CommentsTags: apologeth, ash borer, atila, bestial raids, code, dark sarah, dumal, enemy of reality, exophage, f.o.a.d, fides inversa, fight the fight, four star revival, haan, infinite earths, into the storm, kreator, l'homme absurde, pissgrave, sadistic metal reviews, taine, the drip, the vomiting dinosaurs, thrown into exile, twingiant, voodoo terror tribe, witchery, ytivarg, yugal
