BRAZILIAN LEGENDS VULCANO will return to Europe once more with a full European tour. The UK-leg will be supported by compatriots Necroriser. Scythian and Sepuku have been announced as supports for the London date, whilst Maw has been confirmed for Birmingham. The Exeter show is also set to be an all-dayer.
Confirmed dates:
April 19th, Thu – Glasgow, Scotland @ The Classic Grand
April 20th, Fri – Birmingham, England @ The Birmingham Ballroom
April 21st, Sat – London, England @ The Underworld
April 22nd, Sun – Exeter, England @ The Cavern
April 26th, Thu – Copenhagen, Denmark @ Spillestedet Stengade
April 29th, Sun – Stockholm, Sweden @ Göta Källare
May 03rd, Thu – Nordrhein-Westfalen, Germany @ venue TBA
May 04th, Fri – Berlin, Germany @ K17
May 05th, Sat – Oostrozebeke, Belgium @ Sküll Sessions III
May 08th, Tue – Rennes, France @ Mondo Bizarro
May 12th, Sat – Saint-Maurice, Switzerland @ Le Manoir
sometimes when I have diarrhea my ass feels like a vulcano.
my ass feels like a volcano after I’ve been to a Mastodon concert.
Listen kids: there’s no god, all women are whores and life is supposed to be miserable! I’ve been divorced three times so you can call me an expert. There’s no creature on earth that can be as cold hearted as a woman! Never get attached to a woman, in the end she’ll just drag you through the dirt!
women are worthless! virginity, chastity and solar or sun metal FTW!!!!11
I agree with sun metal guy; “women” have no attraction to me. They distract me from my real passion in life, playing World of Warcraft. Seriously, why get a girlfriend who’ll want me to get a job, move out of my parent’s house, and wash my hair more than once a month, when I can jack it to the nastiest porn and then just delete it from my browsing history when I’m done? I have it made right now, and I have no intention of changing. I laugh at those modern proles, having to work some crappy job for a fascist corporation and pay bills whilst I get to stay at home and eat sacks full of cheetos.
I’ve been listening to metal since I was 14. I used to be into all the heavy bands like Suffocation, Cannibal Corpse and Nile. I wore Deicide t-shirts when I went to my christian high school. One of the female teachers even sent me to the principles office after I wrote ‘FUCK GOD’ on the chalkboard! But the metalheads in my town never liked me. They even called me ‘poseur’ and ‘gay’
After a while I had enough of their bullying. I just wanted to hang out with them but they were always being dicks to me! So one day when they were bullying me again I told them that they were the ones who were poseurs and that I wanted nothing to do with them anymore.
After that I started exploring other heavy musical genres some more, I was looking for something that was more brutal and heavy than death metal because I wanted to be more extreme than my former friends. I was looking for something that would be so extreme that it would make them feel sorry for ever treating me that way. After searching youtube I came across a band called Mastodon. The first time I heard their music I was blown away by their powerful riffs and uncompromising attitude. I instantly decided that this would be the music I would now devote my life to.
The very next day I bought their first and second album at walmart. By the end of the week I had spent all my savings and purchased their entire discography. And to my surprise I found out that Mastodon would be playing in my town the next weekend! I quickly bought a Mastodon t-shirt to wear to this event.
When I got to the show the venue was packed with all sorts of extreme looking people. I saw people who I could have never imagined living in my boring sleepy little town, where did they all come from? There was a guy walking around in the audience with huge stretched earlobes and dreadlocks and lots of people with cool looking tattoos. When Mastodon came on stage all hell broke loose! People were moshing and slamdancing, they kept bumping into me because I was standing in front admiring the singer/bassplayer. Some guy dived from the stage and landed with his boots on my head which hurt like hell but I didn’t care and just kept standing there. I didn’t want to miss a thing from this event.
When the band was halfway through their setlist the singer asked the audience “Ok guys, do you really want get down with us tonight?” and the everybody was shouting and cheering. I looked around me and suddenly realized that I hadn’t seen any girls the whole evening. I checked again but there were only guys in the room. I figured that this music was simply too heavy for girls to enjoy.
“Hey guys, are you ready for some real rock and roll?” the singer asked again and literally everybody started cheering, even the barman and bouncers. Then they started playing the opening riff of their epic song ‘Blood and Thunder’ and everybody started bouncing around and going crazy. The guy with the big earlobes and dreadlocks got on stage and did something I would have never expected to see at a rock concert. He walked up to the singer, got on his knees and unzipped his pants and started sucking his cock!
I was shocked to see this happen right in front of me but the band just kept playing while the audience cheered them on! Then more guys in the audience took their clothes off and started having sex with each other. Some dude behind me grabbed me by my crotch. Strangely I had become extremely aroused by all of this. I always knew I was different from other people, I just never knew why. Then I thought of my old friends and how they would react if they saw me here right now.
I knew they would be horrified by this. They would never understand what Mastodon is about because it would obviously be too extreme for them to handle. This music and lifestyle was way more extreme than any of their pussy satanic death metal. It was REAL, not fake. THEY were the poseurs, not me. And with that realization I gave in to my feelings and indulged in the gay orgy that broke loose.
By the time the concert was over I had been fucked senseless by at least a dozen men. My ass was sore and bleeding and my face and Mastodon t-shirt were covered with cum. After the concert was over it was late so the last bus had already left. I had to walk for five miles until I got home. When I was almost I home I ran into my old metal friends. One of them even wanted to greet me but as I walked closer his face turned pale and his lowered his hand. Then one of them asked ‘What the fuck happened to you, faggot?’ and I just smiled and said I had just seen the heaviest band in the world perform live. ‘So what’s that crusty shit on your face and t-shirt?’ another of them asked me. ‘Cum’ I answered nonchalantly.
They instantly backed away from me. One of them started to laugh but the rest was horrified like I had expected them to be. All they could say was ‘You fucking faggot! I can’t believe we let you hang out with us! Don’t ever come near us again!’ before they walked away. I just smiled knowing that deep down they were just jealous that they didn’t have the guts to be as extreme as me. They just lacked the intelligence to enjoy heavy music like Mastodon. And that’s how my new life started, a life that I have now devoted to the best and most brutal band in the world: Mastodon!
lol
lol’d @ “‘Cum’ I answered nonchalantly.”
@ a former hessian
Yeah, that sounds about right. I think that’s the tour where Martin Van Drunen from Asphyx fame sucked a fart bubble from Chuck Schuldiner’s asshole. He claimed he hated old Chuck in interviews but that was different story backstage at concerts.
8====3
LOL YAY GO BRUNHILDE!!!!
Mastidion is tha cok in buurp nad the concetr the gitar si coool. may anus buuurp hic! none luves me.
Yeah, I was drunk a few hours ago. Tiny midgets mom and I were drinking Schlitz malt liquor and then fucked in his room on top his comic book collection.
what are your astrological signs? I would be interested to know if anus people tend towards a particular sign
tiny midget doesn’t have a mom, it was produced asexually.
Tiny midget doesn’t have a mom?! Well damn, what the hell did I fuck?! >;^(
I guess I must have fucked my own dad! Oh well, I suppose after 14 years it’s time to switch and start fucking my own dad instead of him fucking me all the time. It’s not that I didn’t like being fucked by him, it’s just that I believe in diversity.
I’m tired of people impersonating me, enough is enough you oddballs. I’m tired that no one respects me around here! You are all jealous because I look pretty with a cock in my mouth and you earthy Hessians don’t!
I lost my virginity to a giant cucumber when I was 3 years old and I’ve grown to enjoy big objects in my rectum. What’s wrong with that you fascists????
I’ve read somewhere that the faggot mastodon guy commited suicide by ramming his mastodon first two albums down his throat!
No I heard he collected turds from public toilets and ate a giant pile of turd and died by lethal gastro-intestinal infection.
He actually lived in a public toilet and died by eating a two shitty turds (also referred to as Mastodon’s first two albums); apparently he was never able to save enough money for his sex change operation and decided life had no sense if he had to deal with having a penis for the rest of his life.
Guys, new cynic.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bKqvViz4jes
At least as good as the Portal demo, you guys. These guys may very well make a return to form!
Regardz,
Unkle Prosakk
P.S. WE PRESIDENT NOW
Nah, I’m still here. No, it wasn’t my dad I fucked. It was tiny midgets mom. I was so drunk, I dug the bitch from her grave and brought her to the house and fucked her rotted, worm-infested pussy. There’s like bite marks and abrasions all up on my dick yo!
By the way, diversity is cool! Brett Stevens I hear has a little sub-Saharan African mixed in with a little of that Indo-European shit. That’s what’s up!
@is it true? Nah, I’m not dead child. One day though, just not anytime soon.
@(the jewspic)Levy Spearman, nah dude, I haven’t eaten my Mastodon albums although they are a good, healthy diet for a true hessian like myself. That’s why you faggots are malnourished from listening to shitty pop/death metal bands.
@the real Mastodon guy,
Yeah some of what you said is true. The thing is I only look pretty with your cock in my mouth. No one else.
My mom was hobbit and my dad was an oompa loompa. That is why I’m so tiny. Ok?
Every tru hessian loves Mastodon and dick. Don’t be ashamed, bro.
Every jew hessian loves cock. I’m not ashamed, I keep a cock in my mouth.
WE CONSERVATIVE LIBERALS NOW.
PS LET’S GIVE ALL OUR MONEY TO GREECE.
I’m kidding I’m just busy trying to fart out a banana stuck in my rectum. Shouldn’t be playing with fruit again…
– Mastdon Guy
This site need a like/dislike button for articles and comment voting just like youtube has.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HAVd0eNoN8g
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fvic94pqnHk
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qst2Wiwg0bk
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F57P9C4SAW4
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9fH5mUhShZM
It’s been months since I told this site to review Bestial Warlust yet all my attempts have been ignored. What gives, ANUS?
EVERYONE WITH ASPERGER’S SHOULD BE KILLED.
I recommend you Mastodon’s first two albums.