Thanksgiving is a merry time of the year but the bender has to end with more Sadistic Metal Reviews!

Adaestuo – Tacent Semitae (2016)
Emperor meets war metal and boring atmospheric black metal. The riffs do not progress virally and there is no melodic narrative like on In the Nightside Eclipse. All of that has been replaced by atmospheric bullshit and stupid vocal interludes. This should have stayed unreleased.

Battle Dagorath – I – Dark Dragons of the Cosmos (2016)
Teitanblood meets Emperor trying for some sort of vocal driven cosmic ambientness. The problem with I – Dark Dragons of the Cosmos is that the rhythm guitars/bass/tv static barely progresses at all; only the candy leads on top of it do unlike USDA Prime bands such as Immortal, Sammath, and Kaeck. If Battle Dagorath could edit down their compositions and refine their rhythm section, they could ascend from the mediocre abyss.

Perikato – Kuka hyötyy (2016)
Noisey Finnish hardcore with a manic vocalist. The songs are short, to the point, and never try any beatdown or “melodic” crap. The vocals are way too loud in the mix though and almost overwhelm the trebly, distorted guitars though.

Root – Kärgeräs – Return From Oblivion (2016)
After The Temple in the Underworld, Root turned into lame nu-metal, black ‘n’ roll crap that sounded more like Opeth meets Korn than Varathon. Kärgeräs – Return From Oblivion is the return to that sound. Best avoided by all actual metalheads.

Cardinal Wyrm – Cast Away Souls (2016)
A blend of Candlemass, sludge retardation, and Manilla Road‘s autism for druggies. All songwriting has been reduced to basic stoner rock for the lowest common denominator audience of stoners with that type of fat girlfriends with shoe-polish dyed hair, Wednesday Adams dresses, dark lipstick, and thick-rimmed glasses for a look resembling Lisa Loeb if she worked at truck stop and had a few undiagnosed STDs.

Do Skonu – Hell
Rip off riff one man band appropriating everything you liked about Norwegian black metal from the early 90s and trying to turn it into ineffective pop rock that pretends to be shamanistic Ukranian Viking trance music to appeal to all the Slavic Nationalists out there all alone sitting naked by the phone swiping Tinder.

Vader – Iron Times (2016)
Vader turned Slayer into speeding death ‘n’ roll rock music so Nuclear Blast could print a 45 rpm record in a dozen colors!

Atlas – Death & Fear (2016)
Alt rock pretending to be doom metal. This could’ve been on MTV in 1998 next to Incubus.

Riti Occulti – Tetragrammaton (2016)
Psychedlic metalcore pretending to be black metal. Nope.

Soothsayer – At This Great Depth (2016)
Atmospheric sludge for stoned idiots.

Zornheym – The Opposed (2016)
Dark Funeral mates with Dimmu Borgir. Quite the homosexual orgy.

Oddhums – The Inception (2016)
Alt-rock sludge. Deleting.

Rudra – Enemy of Duality (2016)
Black ‘n’ roll with Indian influenced guitar wank. This feel like Carcass‘s craptastic phoned-in Surgical Steel only with ethnic appeal; a Bollywood remake of a bad movie.

Forlet Sires – Journey Towards Ruin (2016)
Middling blackened metalcore with glam metal guitar leads and idiotic female vocal choruses.

Ctulu – Ctulu (2016)
Pathetic disappointment of “blackened death metal” meets Hellenic black metal that’s actually rock music for beer metaller occultists.

Infecting the Swarm – Abyss (2016)
Technical brutal chug death. Monotonic songs, indistinguishable chugging for riffs. Suffocation dumbed down to pure speed metal songwriting for cargo short wearers.

Kremlin – Kremlin
Hawkwind + The Allman Brothers. Kremlin need to lay off the drugs.

Katla – Embryo (2016)
Psychedelic female fronted power pop. This could be a lot worse, this could be Myrkur but it still sucks and is boring tripe.

Teksti-TV 666 – 1,2,3 (2016)
Ramones three chord punk riffs made into shoegaze. The Ramones made more boringer for smoking massive amounts of marijuana as you just came home from the Chinese buffet and want to simultaneously sleep and puke.

Genus Ordinis Dei – Great Olden Dynasty (2016)
Symphonic metalcore band who need to be tazed.

Crystalmoors – The Mountain Will Forgive Us (2016)
Caradhras the Cruel never forgives black ‘n’ roll bullshit. Did Crystalmoors recharge their jerk off crystals enough?

Haan – Sing Praises (2016)
Post-harcore sludge chromosomally-deficient music.

Gravehill / Mordbrand – Skullbearer / In Nighted Waters (2016)
Side A: Speed metal pop music that sounds like early Amon Amarth but less consistent; Side B: Swedish death ‘n’ roll. Shoot yourself.

Evil Madness / Infant Death – Evil Madness / Infant Death (2016)
“Fuck all trends?” Rehashing the past into pop beer “metal” is a trend. These two are trends who should’ve stayed content playing covers for hipsters in one of those bar/arcade hybrid places that specialize in the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turles arcade beat ’em up arcade game.

The Loom of Time – NihilReich (2016)
Black metal melodeaf for idiots. NihilReich makes Heartwork era Carcass look hard.

Grossty – Crocopter (2016)
Grind made by patients from a group home with the mental facilities of kindergartners.

Tags: adaestuo, atlas, battle dagorath, cardinal wrym, crystalmoors, ctulu, do skonu, evil madness, forlet sires, genus ordinis dei, gravehill, grossty, haan, infant death, infecting the swarm, katla, kremlin, mordbrand, oddhums, perikato, riti occulti, Root, rudra, sadistic metal reviews, soothsayer, teksti-tv 666, the loom of time, vader, zornheym