Brock Dorsey

Nortt- Endeligt (2017)

by Brock Dorsey on December 21, 2017

After a decade of nothingness and decay, Denmark’s Nortt re-emerges in the form of a third full length on pt. 2 of the Avantgarde Music canon (the rock n’ roll/new wave edition). Rising to prominence in the early days of the suicidal black metal wave but vanishing just as the Thy Lights and Nocturnal Depressions of those days brought the movement to self-parody black and white Myspace-metal, Nortt returns to a world that has mostly forgotten their existence. As fate has seen their fellow Total Holocaust Records peers of that time fall into the pits of post-rock (Hypothermia), drug addiction (Nachtmystium), or straight up oblivion (Blodulv), will Nortt’s funeral doom foundation lead to a more desirable outcome?
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13 Comments

Tags: 2017, Avantgarde music, Black Metal, boring, doom, drone, drugs, dsbm, funeral doom, heroin, metal, nortt

Sadistic Metal Reviews: Chevy Chase Chainsaw Massacre

by Brock Dorsey on December 20, 2017

Twas the 5th day before Christmas, and all through the house, the creatures stared concerned and suddenly in need of psychiatric therapy. My wife said I have that crazy look in my eye, as my boss had jipped me on my Christmas bonus- the holiest thing of the American middle class baby boomer. The urge to kill left me trembling, barely able to stand, and I frantically raced to the garage and grabbed my chainsaw and son’s hockey mask. As the voices got louder, I found myself speaking in tongues- vocalizing a string of obscenities as if possessed by otherworldly entities. In an attempt to quiet the deafening commands to kill, I remembered that death metal was an outlet that had saved me years before. But it was 2017, and I did not know what the new death metal sounded like. But I had heard that Bandcamp were going to save the world with their social justice, so I thought I would listen to the top selling death metal bands on the first page of Bandcamp. Surely they had the most sales, and therefore were the most trustworthy, and true to the old death metal sound. I decided to download all 8 albums and burn to CD to listen to on my Walkman CD player. But when I heard…. when I heard… when I heard…

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14 Comments

Tags: 2017, bad music, blood duster, death metal, hipster bullshit, Krallice, metalcore, sadistic metal reviews

Punished Decapitated Freed from Jail

by Brock Dorsey on December 19, 2017

Tortured deathcore idols Decapitated have been freed from prison and await trial for the alleged kidnapping and rape of a female attendee of one of their concerts. Denied by the liberal metal scene they have heroically slaved their lives on the road to please, the group had already faced unfathomable torment a decade ago when a tour bus crash saw a former member killed and another with crippling retardation. Although his metal condition is fortunately not as severe as that of Decapitated’s fans, the bands suffering remains unrelenting nonetheless. (more…)

16 Comments

Tags: anus, death, death metal, deathcore, decapitated, false accusations, kidnapping, metal, news, rape, sex assault

Ordo Ab Chao

by Brock Dorsey on December 19, 2017

As an insanely vicious and memorable chapter of metal’s oldest website comes to a chaotic climax, a new order now dawns upon us. Contrary to the leftist hysteria over the net-neutrality laws passed last week, the internet is still alive, and therefore Death Metal Underground continues its quest to conquer its cyber niche and restore prestige to a genre fallen from grace. Once again, Death Metal Underground will undergo a vast metamorphosis in lieu of the changing times while still remaining true to its purpose in the metal information sphere.

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14 Comments

Tags: Black Metal, death metal, Heavy Metal, metal, news

Metal Isn’t Dying, But the Metal Celebrity Is

by Brock Dorsey on July 13, 2017

Often when analyzing music, it can be useful to look to other genres to develop an understanding its relation to the order of nature. Written and recorded music has been around for centuries, and with a multitude of genres emerging in the last hundred years, few have completely died out and disappeared.

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43 Comments

Tags: celebrity, classical music, crypto-indie, djent, electronic music, electronica, indie metal, indie rock, mainstream metal, music industry, post-metal, post-rock, rock, rock 'n' roll, rock music

Defining Indie “Metal”

by Brock Dorsey on June 10, 2017

As many movies from the 80s and 90s will tell you (e.g. SLC Punk and PCU), youth counter cultural movements of those decades were once various fragmented groups or “tribes” baring their own identity while all opposing the mainstream Whitney Houston and boy bands on the radio. You had your goths, new wavers, punk rockers, emos, ect. at war with the “jocks and cheerleaders” collective of popular kids and, in some cases, at war with each other. But in the years to follow, the deadly combination of multiculturalism and micro culture has effectively ended this conflict as there was no longer a singular popular culture and therefore no “them” in the classic “us vs. them” dynamic. Therefore, these varying counter cultural factions were unified into one ugly all encompassing monstrosity: the hipster.

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6 Comments

Tags: black 'n roll, blackgaze, crypto-indie, djent, hipster, hipster bullshit, hipster idiocy, hipster invasion, hipster music, hipsters, homosexuality, indie metal, indie rock, metalcore, toxic holocaust

Corporate Metal Labels Caught in a Death Spiral

by Brock Dorsey on June 9, 2017

Earlier this week the publishing catalog of metal mega-label Century Media has been pawned off for an undisclosed sum to Reservoir Media, a publishing boutique holding the royalty rights to songs by a variety of pop artists ranging from Drake to Lady Gaga. In investment terms, a boutique is defined as a financial firm that deals with a specific market, so picture Reservoir as a wealthy Wolf of Wall Street-like conglomerate recklessly gambling with the royalties of musicians. This is common in the modern music market, where suits are making bets on the evolving payout methods streaming services, but the surrender of Century Media’s entire catalog of albums (Death, Paradise Lost, In Flames) to a finance firm playing with house money goes to show how desperate the corporate metal labels of yesteryear have become.

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5 Comments

Tags: candlelight records, capitalism, century media, century media records, copyright, crypto-indie, mainstream metal, music industry, reservoir media, spinefarm records, steve albini

The Sad Pandemic of West Coast “Black Metal”

by Brock Dorsey on June 7, 2017

Today’s American black metal has found itself right within the parameters of Poe’s Law which, when applied to this abomination of a music scene, would sound something like this:

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27 Comments

Tags: black 'n roll, California, cancer, communists, crypto-indie, deafheaven, drugs, hard rock, hipster bullshit, hipster invasion, hipster music, idiots, Leviathan, metalcore, moribund, moribund records, pitchfork media, pop punk, post-hardcore, post-rock, profound lore, scenesters, screamo, shit, shoegaze, USBM, vice magazine, weakling, wolves in the throne room, xasthur

Vice Magazine’s Embarrassing French Black Metal Film

by Brock Dorsey on June 1, 2017

As part of their quest to ruin everything interesting and appealing about both metal and life, the gullible cronies of media pyramid scheme Vice Magazine have journeyed to the grim countrysides of the French black metal underground to film what is undoubtedly the most boring film in the history of music. While Vice markets this abomination as a “documentary” calling it such is actually a misleading statement as the film is little more than a collection of autistic ramblings without a single question or narrative statement. In any case, the eyesore is a bastardization of the region’s legacy as any shred of decency still possessed by the founding members of Mutiilation and Drakkar Productions have been urinated directly into the toilet as they hammed it up for the same forces that they claim to be rebelling against. Fortunately, the film’s lack of credible sources and unbelievably poor post-production prevents it from succeeding in the demystification of what was once one of the more intriguing regional black metal scenes.

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11 Comments

Tags: cash grab, crust, crustfundies, drakkar productions, drugs, france, hipster bullshit, hipsters, Les Légions Noires, scam, sell-out, thurston moore, trends mosh core fun, vice magazine

Liberal Music Fans Fooled by Grindcore Charity Deception

by Brock Dorsey on May 29, 2017

A massive amount of gullible liberal retards have fallen for a masterful charity deception running on Bandcamp via a “grindcore band” called Anal Trump. The band’s new album If you Want to Qualify for Health Insurance, Then Maybe You Should Have Gotten Raped? currently is the service’s top selling album despite the entire album being less than 60 seconds and offering virtually no music content. Priced at $5.00 (though users are able to pay more), the band claims 100% of “net proceeds” will be donated to the charity RAINN. This is in fact a cleverly worded deception as Bandcamp’s payout model takes 15% of all sales plus a processing fee (varying based on the amount), meaning that instead of donating $5.00 directly to the charity and getting nothing in return, users are donating $3.95 to the charity and $1.05 to Bandcamp and getting nothing in return.

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13 Comments

Tags: anal trump, bandcamp, donald trump, economics of metal, Grindcore, metal economics, MetalSucks, scam, sjw metal, sjws, social justice warriors

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