As part of their quest to ruin everything interesting and appealing about both metal and life, the gullible cronies of media pyramid scheme Vice Magazine have journeyed to the grim countrysides of the French black metal underground to film what is undoubtedly the most boring film in the history of music. While Vice markets this abomination as a “documentary” calling it such is actually a misleading statement as the film is little more than a collection of autistic ramblings without a single question or narrative statement. In any case, the eyesore is a bastardization of the region’s legacy as any shred of decency still possessed by the founding members of Mutiilation and Drakkar Productions have been urinated directly into the toilet as they hammed it up for the same forces that they claim to be rebelling against. Fortunately, the film’s lack of credible sources and unbelievably poor post-production prevents it from succeeding in the demystification of what was once one of the more intriguing regional black metal scenes.

Unlike depressive suicidal whine core and the current war metal cash cow, the trend of liking France’s obscure and crusty Legions Les Noire bands was short lived as the young fundergrounders of the early 2000’s- heavily medicated by antidepressants and Adderrall- quickly found a more miserable sonic downer in the clown music of Xasthur and Thy Light. This is fortunate as buried deep beneath the extravagant (and now debunked) rumors of the LLN posse’s alleged suicide lies some fantastically dark neoclassical exercises of torturous isolation. But somehow in Vice’s visual folly there is no mention of the music’s signature qualities or the LLN or anything that was actually unique or interesting about the French black metal movement. While it’s possible that some of the musicians really are dead it is far more likely that they preferred to retain their dignity. In any case, what we do get is the useless opinion of a D-grade American rock guitarist and 40+ minutes of verbal special Olympics in which every piece of dialogue is a throwaway line that can be applied to any counter cultural music movement

Fans of Les Legions Noir outside of Mutiilation, you can breathe a side of relief as there is little to no mention of Belkètre, Aäkon Këëtrëh, Moévöt, Black Murder, or the other bands that actually believed in their anti-human stance enough to practice it.

Tags: cash grab, crust, crustfundies, drakkar productions, drugs, france, hipster bullshit, hipsters, Les Légions Noires, scam, sell-out, thurston moore, trends mosh core fun, vice magazine