If you don’t like CYNIC, you’re homophobic.
If you don’t like ARCH ENEMY, you’re misogynistic.
If you don’t like GOJIRA, you’re racist.
If you don’t like NILE, you’re Anti-Semitic.
If you don’t like SUFFOCATION, you’re classist.
If you don’t like LAMB OF GOD, you’re religiously intolerant.
If you don’t like CAVALERA CONSPIRACY, you’re elitist.
If you don’t like CRADLE OF FILTH, you’re closed-minded.
If you don’t like OPETH, you’re not intellectual.
If you don’t like MESHUGGAH, you’re not one of the good guitarists.
If you don’t like DEVIN TOWNSEND, you’re arbitrary.
If you don’t like JIMI HENDRIX, you’re uncultured.
If you don’t like SIX FEET UNDER, you’re not in touch with the common man.
If you don’t like BORIS, you’re unimaginative.
If you don’t like JESU, you’re insensitive.
If you don’t like ANIMALS AS LEADERS, you’re unintelligent.
If you don’t like MASTODON, you’re unartistic.
If you don’t like BARONESS, you’re uptight.
If you don’t like THE SWORD, you’re celibate.
If you don’t like WOLVES IN THE THRONE ROOM, you’re just no fun.
If you don’t like ULVER, you’re uneducated.
If you don’t like ISIS, you’re illiterate.
If you don’t like BETWEEN THE BURIED AND ME, you’re shortsighted.
If you don’t like KVERTELAK, you’re antiquated.
If you don’t like SUNN O))), you’re obsolete.
If you don’t like AGALLOCH, you’re one-dimensional.
People like you who sit around listening to classics like DEMILICH, INCANTATION, MASSACRA, OBITUARY, INFESTER, DEMIGOD, IMMOLATION, ATHEIST, THERION, HELLHAMMER, BATHORY, SLAYER, DISCHARGE, AMEBIX, DARKTHRONE, BURZUM, EMPEROR, IMMORTAL, ENSLAVED, GORGOROTH, RIGOR MORTIS, MAYHEM, MERCILESS, BOLT THROWER, SUFFOCATION, NIHILIST, CARNAGE, AT THE GATES, SKEPTICISM, WINTER, DISEMBOWELMENT, MORBID ANGEL, POSSESSED, NECROVORE, MASSACRE, GROTESQUE, DISSECTION, ILDJARN, BLOOD, MASTER, CIANIDE, BAPHOMET, BEHERIT, SUMMONING, BELIAL, DBC, COC, DRI, FEARLESS IRANIANS FROM HELL, DEAD HORSE, LUDWIG VAN BEETHOVEN, MALEVOLENT CREATION, GEHENNA, FRANZ SCHUBERT, ANGEL WITCH, JUDAS PRIEST, IRON MAIDEN, BLITZKRIEG, WITCHFINDER GENERAL, EXODUS, NUCLEAR ASSAULT, ASSASSIN, CORONER, SAMAEL, FALLEN CHRIST, ANTON BRUCKNER, OBLIVEON, GORGUTS, SUPURATION, LOUDBLAST, KONG, WOLFGANG AMADEUS MOZART, NUNSLAUGHTER, NUM SKULL, SEPULTURA, SARCOFAGO, MOTORHEAD, PRONG, ROBERT SCHUMANN, IMPRECATION, BLASPHEMY, NUCLEAR DEATH, MOLESTED and UNLEASHED are just bitter, old, gray, ugly, failed, burnt-out, dumb, uneducated, trailer-dwelling, smelly, unsociable people that no one really likes and no one will have sex with, so you’ll die alone in the stench of your own waste.
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